Modifications

Posted by Tabitha 

When it comes to matters of the heart, and well, really anything that a person dives head first (or heart) into then ends up bruised, there is usually a saying that ensues:  

No regrets.

(This is usually said in a very light “golly gee” kinda tone.)

I’ll admit, I say this to keep it positive and well, to protect my pride. However, as I grow wiser (ummm, older) that popular saying just doesn’t work as much because in some cases I should have known better. 

Case in point, I decided to jump up and down and do all the girly flirty things I usually cringe over for a man. I felt like a high school girl and actually embraced the adorableness of it. 

People, I made a mixed CD...

I was led by my heart and was more vulnerable than I have been in years. I loved the power I possessed over my heart and letting it breathe freely. I felt like I was taking my heart out for a walk on a beautiful spring day. I was smitten, for sure. There may have even been hearts in my eyes at one point. This is pretty uncommon for me. I mean, I’m the person who will watch those disgusting couples (you know who you are) and think (or even say sometimes) “Let me know how it’s going in 3 months” as I roll my eyes.

As of now, this love connection may not have all the qualities needed to sustain the long haul and that hurts a little bit. When a woman is in this hurt space some pretty dramatic thoughts enter her mind:

I’m meant to be single forever

I’m going to become a female playa’ (yeah, playa’)

It’s better to be unemotional

I was bored anyways

Maybe I gave too much heart?

No regrets is such bullshit

Then the thoughts stop on the no regrets is BS part.  

Wait, how can I regret this? It was such an amazing feeling having my heart out on display then knowing intuitively when it was time to protect it again. I exercised my heart and like a muscle, an exercised muscle grows stronger. Furthermore, as trite as it may sound, I still believe if you don’t use it you lose it. You're heart that is.

Hmmm, so no regrets? Really? Really? Yes. 

No regrets, just future modifications.

Sweetfully yours,

Tabitha